Tomorrow President Bush will undergo a colonoscopy, but it’s the far left that will be feeling the pain. Dick Cheney will be president! I’d like to unveil the contents of a manila folder I received surreptitiously this morning under my door mat. It was a copy of a handwritten to-do list straight from Darth Cheney’s desk outlining his objectives during the two hours as reigning world warmonger.

1. Schedule meeting between Jack Murtha and John McCain - lock them in room with golf clubs

2. Executive Order: All government employees must memorize every line in movie “300″

3. Bomb Iran, Syria, North Korea, China, the State Department, Joe Wilson’s house and where ever Carl Levin is

4. Fire 8 more federal prosecutors, promote Johnny Sutton

5. Initiate final phase of government takeover - activate cameras and wire taps, shut down internet, close libraries and arrest anyone wearing Birkenstocks or smelling like Pachouli oil

6. Get black cape from cleaners

There’s one more, but I can’t read it. Anyone who’s got any ideas what else might be on the list can leave it in the comments. We’ll understand if you do so anonymously. It’s the least we can do for our wooky friends over at the Daily Kos!

Political Vindication!