Y’know, to follow the Opie Edwards For Pa Of The United States campaign, you get the distinct impression that he knows he doesn’t have a soap-dropping new convict’s chance in the communal prison shower.  Take his latest two public appearances as examples.

Here’s what he had to say after congressional Democrats opted for an operational pause in their war against the War Against Islamic Fundamentalism:

“Conceding to the President on full funding for the Iraq war is a serious mistake. It is time to force an end to this war, and the only way for Congress to do that is to use its funding power. Any compromise that funds the war through the end of the fiscal year isn’t a compromise at all, it’s a capitulation. As I have said repeatedly, Congress should send the President the same bill he vetoed again and again until he realizes he has no choice but to start bringing our troops home.”

Ah, the boldness of a man no longer in an accountable position.  You could almost forget that he voted for Operation Iraqi Freedom himself.  At least he hopes you will.

First, he talks big about “forcing” an “end to the war” (i.e. surrender) by “using [Congress’] funding power.  That sounds, to the logical ear, like a call for straight-forward, no-frills, immediate defunding for anything more than the logistical cost of a crash withdrawal.  Yet that’s not what Opie goes on to call for, instead insisting upon a legislative tantrum, as though sending the same rejected special appropriations bill up time after time after time wouldn’t be a PR Godsend to the White House and the GOP remnant.

If the definition of insanity is trying the same failed strategy indefinitely in the hopes of it magically succeeding - ironically, in essence the very barb Donks hurl at the President on a daily basis - then Edwards must really have Bryl Cream for brains.

Or else he pandering to the nutroots.  Which would doom him in a general campaign even if it were possible for him, or anybody else, to deny Hillary! her payback for a forty years of enduring life as a pair of matrimonial Depends.

Think his National Press Club remarks today weren’t opportunistic?

[The terror threat level has] even been used by this White House as a partisan weapon to bludgeon their political opponents. Whether by manipulating threat levels leading up to elections, or by deeming opponents “weak on terror,” they have shown no hesitation whatsoever about using fear to divide.

This from a man whose campaign lynchpin is bleating about “two Americas.”

As president, I will close Guantanamo Bay, restore habeas corpus, and ban torture.

Um, didn’t Senator McCain already do most of that?  Wouldn’t Opie have to dramatically expand the definition of “torture” (again) to include “reality TV,” YouTubes of Edwards at the beauty parlor, and taking happy hour away from Ted Kennedy?  Does anybody even remember what torture actually is anymore?  Maybe we should have kept Saddam Hussein around, just to serve as the “before” guy.

The jihadis certainly haven’t forgotten.  They’re quite good at it, whether via internet beheadings or Islamikaze attacks.  And Opie would turn them loose to once more ply their trade with unfettered abandon, and his “administration” none the wiser to any of it.  After the next 9/11, I imagine public defenders will be the vanguard of his “first responders.”

“As president, I will only use offensive force after all other options including diplomacy have been exhausted, and after we have made efforts to bring as many countries as possible to our side.”

As president, Edwards would never use offensive force.  Or defensive force.  Or any force at all.

No need for him to be so verbose about it - or infringe on Jimmy Carter’s gimmick.

“But I will also remove any civilian or military officer who stifles debate or simply tells me what I want to hear.”

Eh?  He wants neocon advisers?  Those should be some fun conversations.

As president, I will carefully assess the post-Iraq threat environment and consult with military commanders to determine the exact number of troops we need and where.

Which he has already as much as said he will never deploy, even if he picks advisors who tell him to do so.  Heck, why bother assessing the “post-Iraq threat environment” at all if, for all intents and purposes, he’ll be far too busy constructing the Dickensian squallor with his economic policies that he’ll pretend to address with his “anti-poverty” polices?

Those neocon advisers Opie hires had better catch him on his salon days.  It’ll be the only time he’ll be a captive audience.  Maybe they’ll call it “the Palmolive Maneuver.”

Bet it won’t work on Hillary!  Far as I know, snakes don’t need to be washed.